How dare my husband blame me for the breakdown of our marriage?
He insists everything is my fault because I should have given him more love and better sex. I was always taught there are two sides to every story – but not according to him. He bellows that I’m uptight and frigid. He spits that I drove him into the arms of another woman through sheer neglect. How do you like that?
He’s with someone new now. She’s my age and looks a lot like me. I feel he’s simply replaced me with a more pliable and eager lookalike. Friends tell me they’re planning to marry the minute our divorce comes through and that he hasn’t got a good word to say about me, which is sad because we used to be happy.
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We met in 2012 and I fell very hard as he was funny and attractive. I fancied him so much that I couldn’t get enough of his touch. We were crazy for each other; making love everywhere imaginable, all the time. For the first few years of our marriage, I did everything to please him. I gave up work, dropped all my friends and dedicated myself solely to his pleasure.
But then real life kicked in. We needed money so I got a new job; my sister got ill, and I began suffering with stress headaches. I admit I lost my spark and was tired, but I never lost my love for him. I tried my best to satisfy but it clearly wasn’t enough.
I don’t want a divorce. I’ve suggested meeting for a chat and even looking into professional mediation, but he won’t stop insisting this is all my fault. Isn’t that very immature and cruel of him? Don’t I deserve more understanding?
JANE SAYS: The reality is that it takes two people to make a relationship work, no matter what your estranged husband says. We all face ups and downs in life.
Has he chosen to ignore his marriage vows? Whatever happened to facing the bad times along with the good? It wasn’t your fault that your sister got ill or that you suffered stress headaches as a result. For him to now claim that everything that has gone wrong has been your fault is, frankly, pathetic.
I feel he’s simply looking for a reason to justify HIS bad behaviour and infidelity. At some point he needs to stop playing the blame game. In an ideal world he would accept that he has made mistakes too.
Going off with another woman was his decision and it’s something that he should take ownership of. But will he? I’m not holding my breath.
Your estranged husband sounds like a person with a very strong sense of self-entitlement. Ultimately you know that you’re not solely responsible for this split, so don’t allow his childishness to bring you down or cause you to doubt yourself.