I want revenge. I have been dumped, hurt and ­humiliated.

I don’t understand why my ex-boyfriend doesn’t love me any more. I look great. I’m funny and popular. Yet he says he’s fallen in love with someone else – someone who isn’t half as attractive or sexy as I am. What’s going on?

His head is in the clouds, he maintains they’ve connected on a spiritual level and that she gets and understands him in a way that I never will. He apologises for breaking my heart but swears that they didn’t have sex – or even kiss – until he and I split two weeks ago.

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You can check out more relationship and sex advice from Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman here.

Now I suspect they’re shagging for Britain and that makes me very, very angry. What am I supposed to do now? I’m so tempted to go round to his place, catch them in bed and pour slop over their heads.

Either that or stick pins in his condoms or put chilli powder in his underwear drawer. He doesn’t realise I’ve still got a key to his place. I’m spending hours plotting their downfall.

My replacement is loud, overblown and tacky. They hooked up at a party while I was laid low with flu. So not only did she steal my man from under my nose, but she also leapt in when I was at my weakest.

Now I see them walking around our small town, arm-in-arm, and I’m fuming. I can’t work out what he sees in her, yet he’s told mutual friends he’s determined to spend the rest of his life in her flabby arms.

The same friends are telling me he’s not worth fighting over, but I’m not someone who likes to be beaten. What’s so wrong with a little retribution between ex-lovers?

JANE SAYS: At the moment your pride is wounded. You’re feeling hurt, lost and abandoned, but you have to let your ex-boyfriend go and move on with your life.

At the moment you can’t work out what your ex sees in this other woman, and you feel insulted. You want
answers and explanations, but there are none.

He’s loved up and high on emotion and looking forward. Force yourself to be strong and don’t do anything stupid or you really will find yourself in trouble.

Tell him you’ve still got his spare key and ask him what he wants you to do with it. Should you put it in an envelope and post it through his letter box or what?

If it’s true that he believes he’s found his soul mate, then you can’t compete or change who you are. Accept that he’s a different person now – he is on a different path and happy with his new partner.

The idea of revenge as a “dish best served cold” may be a delicious one as far as you’re concerned, but I urge you in the strongest possible terms not to go there. Instead, concentrate on your exciting next chapter.