Jana Hocking urged her friend to contact the police after her date did something disturbing in the bedroom.
The 38-year-old journalist, from Australia, said alarm bells started ringing when she was talking to a mate. The unnamed woman had sex with a bloke who removed his condom without consent.
Jana told news.com.au: "My friend had consensually hooked up with the guy. They were having a lovely time until they finished and she asked where the condom was. He laughed and said: “Oh, I took that off ages ago.'
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"Yep, it turns out that unbeknown to her, he had been barebacking without a condom for most of their intimate time."
Jana continued: "I stopped her and said: 'You know that’s illegal, right?' She looked shocked and said she didn’t. I then suggested that perhaps we should go to the police."
The concerning act, known as "stealthing", may not seem like a big deal to some. But it's illegal and can lead to the spread of STIs, unwanted pregnancies and other trauma for those involved.
And while you may think cases of "stealthing" are rare, the relationships writer says they're worryingly common.
She added: "A couple of weeks later I was chatting to another friend who said the same thing had happened to her. She said while it made her feel uncomfortable, she had tried to not give it too much thought because every time she did it made her want to cry."
As well as this, some blokes are putting pressure on their partners by refusing to wear condoms at all. But Jana urges ladies to show men the door when this happens.
According to Rape Crisis, stealthing is a serious crime. It can majorly impact a victim's health and wellbeing – and perpetrators may be charged with life in prison.
The charity’s website explains: “’Stealthing' is not a legal term and there is no criminal offence called 'stealthing'. Under English and Welsh law, the act of stealthing is considered rape.
"This means that anyone who carries out stealthing can be prosecuted for the criminal offence of rape. This is a very serious crime which carries the same maximum sentence as murder: life in prison.
“The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone did not consent to sex if the other person tricked them about the 'nature' of the sex – in other words, what exactly it was going to involve. This is what's known in law as 'conditional consent'.
“Although the Sexual Offences Act does not specifically mention lying about putting on a condom or non-consensual condom removal, a man who carried out stealthing was convicted of rape in 2019. This case confirmed that conditional consent applied in cases of stealthing and that it was therefore rape under English and Welsh law.”
For more information, or to seek support if you have been impacted by stealthing, Rape Crisis can help. You can contact the free 24/7 Support Line by calling 0808 500 2222 or visiting the website to start an online chat.
