I have been with my current girlfriend for a year, yet we still haven’t had sex.
She suffers with vaginismus. She won’t go see her GP about it either.
And as a result we only have oral sex or mutual masturbation. I’m tempted to cheat. What should I do?
READ MORE: 'My fella bonked my boss — he stank of her after they spent six hours humping in hotel'
You can check out more relationship and sex advice from Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman here.
JANE SAYS: Vaginismus is the body’s automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration. Your girlfriend’s muscles tighten up on their own and she has no control.
You cheating with someone else is not the answer. She needs to be encouraged to speak up and seek help. Could a family member or friend support her in consulting a female GP?
Controlling fella is driving me crazy
My partner resents time I spend away from him. He becomes jealous if I dress up to meet friends and accuses me trying to attract other men.
Just recently his behaviour has become particularly challenging. My best friend is getting married soon. Over the summer I was due to catch the ferry to the Isle of Wight for her hen do. But on the morning of the trip my guy “surprised” me with tickets for a rock concert.
He’d found out my favourite singer was in town and spent a fortune on the best seats. He’d also booked a table at a lovely restaurant and a hotel room. What could I say? He looked so eager to please. I felt terrible about letting my friends down, especially as I’d pretty much organised the entire weekend, but I felt obliged to go with him instead.
His treat was fantastic, but I couldn’t help but think he’d timed it to perfection. Other times he arrives home after a tough day just as I’m leaving to visit my parents or an old mate. He begs me not to leave him as he’s stressed and needs to chat. At the moment my boss is organising a trip to France. It’ll be part work/part fun.
I just know that my man will look crestfallen if I even hint at wanting to spend a night away. In many ways I feel ashamed I allow myself to be manipulated and overwhelmed. He’s never angry, violent, or abusive towards me. It’s just that look of hurt and disappointment come over his face whenever I have plans.
I know this situation isn’t right, but what can I do about it when we’re in a relationship? My friends openly call him the “control freak”, which makes me feel ridiculous and weak.
JANE SAYS: Be in no doubt, this man knows exactly what he’s doing. It was no coincident or mistake that he purchased concert tickets for exactly the same night you were supposed to be with your girlfriends.
The problem is that he doesn’t like the idea of you seeing other people or having interests that he’s not a party too. He may well be charming, but that’s part of the problem.
Stop feeling ashamed and speak to your family about your situation. I suspect that they’ll be horrified to hear how you’re being treated. It sounds as if your friends already have his measure and really don’t like what they see.
My worry is that unless you make a stand and tell your partner that you’re on to him, then he will continue to grind you down. I respect the fact that you’re in a committed relationship, but nothing gives him the right to control your movements.
Sadly, if your partner can’t or won’t change, then do you have to think about moving on? Please acknowledge those red flags.
