My girlfriend loves my dad. She thinks he’s sexy and cool and more than once she’s hinted that if she wasn’t with me, she’d be in his bed instead.
I’ve been teetotal for years but when they start boozing together it’s hideous to watch – they flirt and tease like a pair of teens. It turns my stomach. What she won’t accept is that my dad was a nightmare when I was growing up, and my mum wasn’t much better.
My horrible childhood still casts a shadow over everything I do. I struggle with relationships and trust. I’m convinced that my girl will inevitably let me down and dump me. She swears she never will but how can I believe her when my own parents were never there for me?
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My mum is vain and cruel, while my dad has always done his own thing. When I was a kid, he’d disappear for months on end while she entertained other lovers. They never bothered to properly feed or clothe me. I had no routine or stability.
I can’t forget my childhood. My mum is still alive but we don’t speak. My dad, however, is like a bad smell that never goes away. He recently moved back into my neighbourhood and now he tells me he’s finally ready for a proper relationship. Too late, pal
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He pops round uninvited all the time which grinds my gears. The problem is that my girl lets him in because she thinks he’s cute and that I should make more of an effort. Whatever did I do to deserve this level of grief?
JANE SAYS: Your fickle girlfriend is the last person you should be with. She’s got to go. You need someone mature and supportive who is on your side and listens to you.
Suggest she sticks with your father and finds out for herself what he’s really like. You had a very tough start in life but you cannot let your terrible childhood drag you down or define you.
If you can’t lay the past to rest by yourself get some professional help. Speak to a trained counsellor about making sense of what happened to you so that you can let it all go.
Visit your GP and find out what help is available. Check out the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy http://bacp.co.ukI get very angry when people declare that children are resilient and bounce back from difficult circumstances.
I vehemently disagree – children damage very easily: They get hurt and they worry. Anyone who has suffered needs to be nurtured, consoled and heard.
As for your dad, if you really don’t want any more to do with him, then don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about cutting him out of your life. He had his chance, and he blew it and cannot be allowed to destroy your future too.
